Should You Disinherit a Child or Family Member

Every family has one. It’s the black sheep, or the lost child, or some other version of the child that is either looked down upon by the rest of the family or even estranged. Should a parent disinherit such a child? It’s legal, but it’s an extreme action and can have unanticipated effects. Take a look at this article. It discusses a few instances of disinheritances and gives some good advice to those who are considering it.

Caschetta opted not to sue. She says the damage the disinheritance caused her family was painful enough. “This is the thing people who disinherit someone don’t understand: It puts a huge amount of pressure on those who aren’t being disinherited,” says Caschetta, whose experience inspired her to write a book on the subject that she’s trying to get published. “Suddenly you have this rift and they have this choice. ‘Do I do what Dad wanted when he wrote this will and he was angry, even though many years have passed and we know they made up?’ Everybody’s put in this terrible position.” Her father wrote the will in 2000.

The one thing that can prevent rifts over family estates is what most families in which someone is disinherited lack — good communication. “In most cases I find disinheritance occurs not because the parent hates the child but because the parent feels hurt,” says Martin Shenkman, a Paramus, N.J.-based estate lawyer and planner with 30 years of experience. Shenkman thinks estate planners too often just listen to their clients’ wishes without first engaging them and their families in meaningful conversation. Although Caschetta still has cordial relations with her mother, she is barely speaking with her brothers.